TNG S1E4 "The Last Outpost" Review by AnswerMan

Horrible:Meh:Adequate:Good:Fantastic

The Enterprise is chasing a Ferengi ship that has stolen something from the federation. No one knows much about the Ferengi, not even what they look like. When they catch up to them orbiting a planet, they finally get a look at one of their ships, and it is beautiful. The Ferengi fire shots, and though shields hold, they find themselves still stuck in place by some force, and the ship's systems being drained. Then something is clearly scanning all of the computers, which leads Data to observe that the Ferengi technology must be vastly superior to their own, to which Picard replies, "Well duhhhh, Captain Obvious." Ok not really, but the tone is the same. In fact it's part of an overall trait of early Data where he's treated as a bit of a dunce. Picard again smacks him down when he begins listing off flag colors of past Earth nations. Then we see him in a meeting unable to figure out how to escape from Chinese handcuffs that some children have left lying around. I guess it's supposed to be comic relief, but it leaves us questioning the capabilities of the android officer. I mean really, Chinese handcuffs thwart him?



Meanwhile the Ferengi have refused to talk, and Troi of course can't read them because she's the most useless empath ever. So Riker and LaForge come up with a plan to break away by taking advantage of a tiny fraction of a second reaction delay in the force that is holding them. They're going to reverse engines slowly, and then launch into warp speed and break away. Which....wouldn't they have already tried that? I mean you have a warp capable ship, and you're stuck, so........ya, put it in warp. Plus, 300 milliseconds or whatever to go from full reverse to warp? That doesn't jive with the footage of the Enterprise going to warp that we see in the opening credits every week. Nevertheless LaForge is so excited about this idea that he displays some very odd characteristics that are kind of hard to describe, but it involves bad acting and a "wooo weee!" It's a terrible scene, and the plan fails.

Redshirt LaForge is a real dork.

Next Picard straight up tells the Ferengi that he is prepared to surrender. Well actually, he tells them they are ready to discuss the terms of the surrender, which the Ferengi take to mean that it will be them surrendering to the Enterprise because (plot twist) they are both being held by the same force. By the time the crew pieces this all together, the Ferengi have figured it out as well and the deal is off. Here we get our first view of the aliens on the view screen, and boy are they into close ups. The shot is so tight that even the leader's whole head is not visible. The whole view screen is just teeth and nostrils and ear lobes. I don't know if the show's makers were going for a dramatic slow reveal, or if they just wanted us to focus on the Ferengi's key distinctive facial features, or what. There is a mention that the video is distorted, so perhaps they wanted us believe that the Ferengi were hiding how short they are? I don't know but it's kind of odd on one level, and on another level it actually does an ok job of adding to the creepiness factor of meeting the new aliens. Anyway, they have no choice but to work together to figure out what it is on the planet that has them both captured. They trade insults for awhile, and then each assemble an away team and beam down. Oh by the way, there will be no communications with the away team, and they won't be able to beam back either. So, nice.

It turns out the planet was an outpost for a society that no longer exists. They were super powerful, even powerful enough to move stars. But unfortunately their sun went supernova and all was lost. Ok, why point out that they can move stars, only to then go on to tell us that a problem star caused their destruction? Why in the world would you ever want to move a star anyway, other than possibly to get an exploding one the hell away from you? Anyway all that's left of their empire is this planet, and it seems to be uninhabited.

Pretty much everyone but Picard and Dr. Crusher beam down, and it goes wrong from the start as they are all scattered across the land. LaForge even materializes upside down with his foot stuck in a rock or something. They gather together and meet the Ferengi, who immediately double cross them and fire their phaser-whip thingys at the crew and incapacitate them. The weapons effects are pretty cool, but the reaction of the crew lets us know that this is going to be a cartoon battle. Data is just lying there with his arms outright like a stereotypical "robot in off mode" pose that is pretty hilarious. Eventually Yar shows up and evens the fight up a bit with her phaser, and it goes to hand-to-hand combat with the smaller Ferengi jumping on them and being more of a nuisance than a threat. The Ferengi have an odd demeanor, where they never stop moving around. It makes them come off as very shifty, so I guess it works for that purpose, but it also makes it difficult to take them seriously. And in fact, after Riker passes some idiotic test with the keeper of the planet (who I never figured out if he was an entity or a computer), the Ferengi are relegated to only being annoying in the background, basically photo-bombing the rest of the shots. The keeper asks if they would like all of the Ferengi killed, and Riker explains that their morals prohibit this, even though presumably he thinks it would be nice.

Meanwhile on the ship, everyone is dying because life support is down. Crusher casually mentions that she's considering putting Wesley in a coma until his final death blow comes to him, to which the captain responds that he should meet death wide awake like a manly man. Well alrighty then. But power is restored by the planet in exactly the nick of time. Everyone is knocked out unconscious, and just like someone flipped a switch in their bodies, as soon as life support comes back on they all wake up bright-eyed and bushy tailed. The away team comes back, the stolen part is retrieved, and they decide to beam over a box of the Chinese finger puzzles to the Ferengi, just to fuck with them. Oh TNG, you're so hilarious!

This episode is just Meh, and actually borders on horrible. The beginning is fine, with the slow reveal of the new enemy, and the plot twist that it's not the Ferengi who have trapped them all work pretty well. But man, the Ferengi. I just hate them, and not because they're evil, but because they are so silly. The comparison of them to our own capitalistic past just doesn't follow, and on their own they just can't be taken seriously. And I never understood the whole "hu-MON" pronunciation thing. Why? And wouldn't the universal translator clean that up anyway? The whole story with the civilization that was destroyed forever ago is kind of rushed together, and the test for Riker sways the keeper to the Federation side way too easily and the whole thing is all resolved way too quickly. I like that the Chinese handcuffs are used as a metaphor for their situation, and that it isn't stuffed down our throats. We have to reach that conclusion ourselves, it's never mentioned on screen. That works pretty well. Actually, everything up until they meet the keeper works, but the ending is just so bad that it wrecks the whole thing.

Published July 2, 2017